A rare-type of birth advocate

Today, we have a guest blogger! So excited for this one! 

I had an unusual birth.  I got two for one. No, not twins and not babies. I got two births for the price of one... 

Daddy holding sweet baby boy

When I found out I was pregnant, I started off going to an OB. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my doctor, it’s just that the more I researched and read (and the more my hormones started to affect my brain cells,) the more I realized what I wanted out of my birth. In my third trimester, I decided to petition my insurance to cover care at a local birthing center where I could have an intervention-free water birth. They agreed and so I began my unexpected journey into the world of natural birth. 

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just knew I wanted it bad enough. I would keep my eye on the prize no matter how bad the pain got. 

Then, the big day finally arrived. My labor started at a little before 8 pm on Friday night and I labored well into the morning. I finally felt the urge to push around 10 am. I pushed for a while, but I had a “cervical lip” that was working against me, making it very difficult for my son’s head to descend. He was also in the posterior position and I was experiencing terrible back labor. At that point, my midwife told me to stop pushing and breathe through the urge to push. I did this for several loooooooong and painful hours. I was fully dilated and finally allowed to start pushing again sometime that evening. After several hours of that, I started giving up. (*editor's note: gee, Cat... After almost 24 hours of labor several of which you had to resist your body's natural and very powerful urges THEN you *start* to give up? Gosh. Weak one!! ;))  It gets to the point where you don’t even remember that you’re trying to have a baby. You’re just trying to make it through the next minute. And you do. Those minutes turn into hours and your body just takes over. My mind wasn’t always in control of what my body was doing, but it did what it needed to do. Like a birthing beast. All that work, though, didn’t end in the birth I had envisioned for myself. 

The baby was just not coming. My midwife agreed that I was no longer progressing in my labor and the ambulance was called. I was told that the hospital would most likely give me an epidural and Pitocin to keep things moving, but that I could potentially have another 10 hours of labor ahead of me. I thought I was going to die. So, these circumstances that were out of my control landed me in an ambulance with a B-line to the hospital. The ambulance couldn’t get there fast enough. Not just for me, but for the EMT’s. They were pleading with me not to have the baby in the ambulance. If I knew where my arm was at the time, I promise you that I would have punched one of them in the face for saying something so incredibly stupid. But, I digress.

After the agonizing ride to the hospital, however, it was determined upon arrival that the baby needed out right away. His heart rate was dropping and I had spiked a fever (which we later found out was due to an infection in my placenta.) The doctor tried to deliver the baby during two more pushes (the most painful because the doctor actually tried to maneuver the baby WITH HIS HANDS). My son was right there, but he just wouldn't budge. There was panic and chaos all around me as they prepped me for an emergency C-Section, but I was completely at peace. I had somehow known hours before that this was coming and I felt that we were both going to be alright. I know now that God was present in those dark moments and He gave me peace in a situation that would have normally sent me into a panic for sure. Fine by me at that point, anyway! I just wanted him out. All I could think about was making the pain stop. And then… it did. Oh, Sweet Jesus, it did. A little [BIG] needle called a Spinal. I didn’t even feel it go in, but all the sudden I was numb from the belly down. That was the sweetest relief I’ve ever felt and you better believe I was thanking Jesus for that little modern miracle.

So, here's where the rubber meets the road.

Cat and Judah in the NICU

Because of the C-Section, I didn’t get to have a rush of Oxytocin (the love hormone that is released after a woman gives birth without medical intervention.) when I met my son, I was laying on an operating table, not sure if I was right side up or upside down. I remember gathering up the strength to be excited to finally meet him. I was happy to see that he was ok and hear his cry as he took his first breath, but truth be told, I was concerned about the vomit that was burning my throat due to all the tugging they were doing on my abdomen. I remember thinking, “I went through all that and now I might die from choking on my own vomit.” Yes, irrational, I know. But I’m telling you, I had no functioning brain left. None. Meeting my son was not the emotional, joyful rush I was anticipating it to be for so many weeks and I remember feeling guilty about that.

And that's where it started. The guilt. 

I had read and watched all these things about what a birth should be. And maybe it is supposed to be like dying a painful death and then opening your eyes to the glories of heaven, but it wasn’t for me. I was just thankful to Jesus he was ok. And I was EXHAUSTED. So incredibly exhausted. 

I thought "That's it. This is going to be the anti-climactic end to my birth journey… How disappointing." 

It was a bond with my son formed in a way that I was not expecting. You see, I didn’t get to hold my son when he was born. I didn’t even get to kiss him because I was too busy puking! Then, my son was taken to the NICU because of his elevated white blood cell count due to the infection that was in my body and I was told I wouldn’t even get to see him for 24 hours because of my fever. So, there went my chance at forming a special bond with him. Everything I had worked so hard for… I had played the moment in my head over and over again… That moment when I would deliver my son with my own two hands and pull him to my chest with a rush of love. None of that happened.

However, God blessed me in a way I was not expecting. 

The next day I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I was in an incredible amount of pain and still exhausted out of my mind. I had spent the evening dozing in and out of consciousness, waking to panic attacks in between. I cried and cried and cried. I didn’t know where I was or what had happened. I didn’t know what day it was or when any of what happened occurred. In fact, I’m pretty sure there were moments I completely forgot that I had a newborn baby. The baby that I had been waiting for for months was in another wing of the hospital. I kept asking for people to tell me what happened. I really thought I had lost my mind. It wasn’t supposed to go this way in my head. I was supposed to have my baby, in the water, and then four hours later walk out of the birth center with my little bundle of joy in tow. As reality set in, it was the worst I’d ever felt physically (aside from actually being in labor) and mentally. That was until they wheeled me across the hospital to the NICU to nurse my son.

The only time during that first week while my son and I were in the hospital that I did not feel any pain was when I was with him. If I was touching him, I was completely pain free. I felt like I could get up and run through the hospital (mind you, I had just had major abdominal surgery and my toes were so swollen, they looked like Jimmy Dean sausage links!) When I was nursing him or holding him in my arms, I felt like I could “tune” into him. That’s the only way I can explain it. I felt like Judah and I were one person. I could feel what he was thinking and what he was needing. It was incredible. I had never heard of anyone experiencing that after a C-Section and I knew it was a special gift from God. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time just so I can feel that oneness with my son again. However, that kind of experience was meant for a special time and place in both of our lives. I know that he will not remember it, but I will never forget it as long as I live. A brief moment in time that was so beautiful, so powerful, and so spiritual. They were the hardest days of my life, but they were also some of the most wonderful. It made my incredibly crazy and dramatic birth journey worth it. It was a gift that my broken spirit needed and God provided. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Cat feeling energized while nursing Judah! :)

If you’re still reading, I promise you that I’m not here to tell you that I think every woman should try for a natural birth. I used to think "those people" were nuts. 

Then I became one of them. 

The older I get, the more I realize that’s how life usually goes. I’m also not here to tell you to flee from your seemingly “crazy” desire to have a natural birth run to the nearest hospital. I did both, all in one go. For the price of my son Judah, I could have had two children. He’s totally worth it so I’m ok with that.

Here’s what I would like to do though. I’d like to clear up a misconception and bring the two sides together. You know the sides I’m talking about… Whatever side of the fence you fall on, you probably refer to your counter parts as “those people.” There are the people who are part of a group that I identified with in the beginning of my pregnancy. These are the people who cannot fathom going through childbirth anywhere but in a hospital. And if you’re like I was, ready to battle out childbirth with a powerful weapon known as the epidural. I was all about the epidural. No, I take that back. I was all about going through childbirth pain-free The needle in my spine part really freaked me out. You may be a planner and schedule your C-Section. Or perhaps you were advised to have a C-Section by your doctor for a number of reasons and felt it best to follow that advice. These are the women that are ok with all that medicine has to offer.  The thought of giving birth in a hospital doesn't produce images of scenes from a horror movie in their minds. 

 Maybe you like the idea of natural birth, but would prefer to do it in a hospital setting just in case something were to go wrong. All of these are valid because they are part of each individual’s journey to motherhood. 

And then, there's the other side. The people who I used to think were hippies. I mean, why would you want to go through the pain of child birth when you don’t have to? How primitive. Like having a root canal without so much as that numbing gel they give you before the shot of Novocain. Again, those were my thoughts prior to my own birth journey. I told you-- no bashing either side and I’m sticking to that. Anyway, these people would probably do anything not to have their baby in the hospital. They are more granola and believe that natural childbirth is an empowering experience. And it is. It absolutely is. Having gone through it, I can tell you that I had no idea the kind of pain I was capable of handling. I am the person who normally whines over a paper cut, and I endured twenty-six hours of the most agonizing pain I’ve ever felt in my life [times a thousand!]. I’m actually shocked I didn’t try to run outside and throw myself in front of a bus just to end the pain. 

I've said all that to say this: No matter how you choose to give birth or how you end up giving birth, it is a powerful and unique experience. Child birth is not a formula that will get you the exact same outcome every time (except the baby, hehe!). That’s what I had led myself to believe and I was wrong. I thought I had to do certain things in order to have an amazing birth experience. 

Cat holding Judah in the NICU

The fact that I didn’t even get to hold my son when he was born does not affect our relationship today like I feared that it might. When I walk in the room, he gets a smile on his face that is just oozing with drool and love for me. I don’t think it would be any different no matter what happened on that day eight months ago. In fact, I know that if everything had gone according to MY plan, I wouldn’t have had the life-changing experience that I did. It would have been life changing for sure, but it would have been different. This experience was meant to teach me something and it did. 

So no matter how you end up giving birth, know that you are strong and powerful. You have been blessed with the great responsibility of raising your child. You have been called. You have been ordained. You are the best mom for your baby because you were chosen for him/her. So, trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and do not try to measure another woman’s birth journey by your own. Each journey is unique. Each is powerful. Each is special. Each is a gift. And we’re all just doing the best we can.

That is, afterall, the outcome for us all no matter what birthing path we choose. Sometimes we may end up going down a path that we didn’t choose, but we still end up with the same outcome… the big picture--

A healthy baby and mama. 

Catherine is a mother to one beautiful, happy, silly, bouncy, miraculous, heaven-sent little boy. He was bo

orn 8 (almost 9) months ago and has taken her world by storm. "I try to be a conscious parent, but if it stresses me out, then I just do my best. I cloth diaper because I don’t mind poop or laundry, but I buy baby food because I don’t like to cook. I think I’m a pretty average wife and mom who has been blessed with an extraordinary life."

pregnancy days 2.0

I have to admit... I haven't written much about my pregnancy.  It's been a very unique ride, having been pregnant with number two [three, technically].  I've been a roller coaster of emotions and energy. I spent the first trimester mostly nauseated and exhausted, followed by an awesome second and third trimester.  I've experienced a lot more Braxton-Hicks and regular contractions than I did with my first, but I think that has to do because she was breech and not in position. Outside of that, I am so grateful that, though still challenging-- I haven't been in a state of complete depression and exhaustion like I did with my first.

Nevertheless, even though I really feel as though I've had an awesome pregnancy, I've faced many challenges that have off-set the rhythm and rhyme of our home. I'm not quite sure what pregnancy looks like in your home (with other children around), but I thought I'd share just how it looks in our home.

- Mommy has taken more naps with the toddler.  I normally use[d] Aaliya's nap times to catch-up on laundry, housework, blogging, etc.  Lately, I've found that taking a nap with her is what my body craves and what is beneficial for the entire family.  Rest is an integral key in pregnancy and when we listen to our bodies and its cues, resting can be a solid investment into the smooth running of the rest of our day.

- Aaliya has watched significantly more television than I ever thought was ok.  I remember the sweet, yet very naive ideals I held as a pregnant mother with our first.  I vowed no more than 30 minutes of television daily, along with a fun, educational activity every day in which Mommy created some sort of awesome bit of learning and entertaining... Then, I got pregnant, and Aaliya has spent the better half of the last eight months watching Boz, Curious George and Bible Heroes.  Yep. I'm that Mom.  I have found that in this toddler stage, they have way more energy than I can keep up with and though Mommy and Aaliya do spend great time alone together every day, I have to incorporate just a smidge more television than I every intended to. My role as a wife, mother and homemaker has to be balanced as best as possible during the time I'm pregnant, and sometimes-- the best I can maneuver was through extra TV time. 
Go ahead. Judge me.

- Meal time has been significantly simpler.  Before I found out I was pregnant with number 2, I was expanding our meal-time goodness with a lot of homemade, fun, dishes significantly more often throughout the week.  Finding out I was pregnant and there following, I wanted to avoid the pit-fall that we did while I was pregnant with number one (I cooked twice my ENTIRE pregnancy-- we lived at to-go and delivery places), I decided to simplify our menu.  And, I've got to admit, it's worked out for us very well.  Recently, I've ventured off into making more fun, "complicated" meals more often for the sake of my husband and freezing them (more on that at a later post). Though we still frequented the to-go and delivery places more often than I wanted, I've got to say-- it's quite an improvement from last time. =)

What do the pregnancy days look like in your home?

grace when there's BIG news!

It has been quite a while.

I know, I'm sorry. Forgive me?

See, here's the thing... We had an unexpected but very welcomed bit of news.

photo credit

Indeed. Due early June 2012. Very exciting, yes, we know.

But, it has been difficult.  I am by no means complaining. After all, children are a blessing from the Lord and a reward (Psalms 127).  It has been tough though. I started working again a few months ago--part-time, but it's still cutting into the time I spent homemaking and with Aaliya.

While struggling to figure out exactly how to balance everything out, we figure out that we were expecting our second little bundle of joy. Then, comes morning sickness, bad morning sickness.  Part of the struggle was that while pregnant with Aaliya, I suffered with ante-natal depression and I was starting to feel the same way this time around.  I was doing absolutely everything I could to treat it and beat it. Trying to balance that, working, homemaking, and dealing with a very active, very cute toddler (yikes, I have a toddler now!) I have been a little overwhelmed and under the weather-generally.  Sooo, my writing suffered.

I am so very sorry.

The recurring theme through all this however seems to be one thing; Christ has given me and will continue to give me enough grace to last for today. Tomorow is of no importance because today has enough worries of its own. 

He willl provide just what I need, the day I need it.  Not a second too late and not a moment too soon. So, today, it seemed grace abounded.  I was able to finally clean the bedrooms, one of two bathrooms and the kitchen. I did three loads of laundry and am almost fully caught up with it. I was able to get a head start on several Christmas cards, and I cooked (and cleaned after) dinner, as well as take a nice long bath and write a blog. Praise the Lord, His grace abounds.

Our living room, dining room and guest bath are still messy, but there will be enough grace for that another day. I wasn't the most patient Mommy today, but there will be enough grace for that tomorrow.  There are still about 50 things on my to-do list, but God will grant me grace for them another day (or five!).

I pray you'll stick with me as I kinda manuever through these uncharted waters and try to manage in blogging on top of everything else.  Pray for me as I pray for you.  I covet prayers, so I will sow prayers.

Here's to whatever grace He chooses to grant to us tomorrow!

Reflections during pregnancy

Phew. Twenty weeks preggers, and can I just say nothing matures you quicker than carrying life within your womb. The last twenty weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions but a great maturing that has taken place in my heart and mind. I figured it'd be good to blog about it, since this blog is, after all, about my life as a wife and a mama.

I'm begginning to see that the most important things in life, outside of Jesus, are relationships. Everything material is beyond temporal, and relationships, if they are the right kind, are eternal. My heart has been turned towards my family in such a dramatic and intense way that I know God is setting me up to walk down a path that will lead me straight to Him. Ironically, when I was younger, I scorned stay-at-home moms who gave up their lives to be with their children, and who gave up earthly ministries to raise children. To me, they seemed un-spiritual, and weak. Well, if that's the case then I'm unspiritual and weak right alongside them, because my heart has been set on fire to be the very best wife and mom that I can be. Not that I wasn't before, but again, the depth and the height with which the LORD has taken it is undescribable. More than anything, I feel the LORD calling me to be a stay-at-home mom to raise Aaliya and co-labor in raising Daniella. Even my heart and my love for Daniella has matured and reached levels I didn't know possible. My eyes have been shifted towards eternity and I suddenly, don't care if I have an earthly ministry, if I get to preach to hundreds or "be somebody" in the body of Christ. More than anything my heart has been turned towards simplicity, servanthood and Heaven; eternity. Ironically, He did this by giving me a child (two, actually). It is absolutely outstanding what He has done in such a short time.

Even the meaning of sacrifice has changed in my eyes. Ask me to give up my cell phone and my time, and consider it a done deal... Ask me to give up my family, and now we're running into some resistance. Think about Abraham, giving up his only son. Put yourself in his shoes and then talk to me about the meaning of sacrifice. Well, that's a different lesson for another day... But seriously ponder on the meaning of sacrifice. A few sleepless nights, less luxury and more thriftyness. We consider this sacrifice? Give up your child for the sake of the Gospel, and then we'll talk sacrifice. LORD, help me. I'm done. I'm soo not gonna go into that one today. I will, however leave you with one thought. Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead." Think about what that really means.

Reading Club Suggestion

Recommended Reading:

Supernatural Childbirth

by; Jackie Mize

If you're a mom, pregnant, wanting to get pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant, this book is THE most amazing tool they'll ever use. It'll be my new Baby Shower present everytime! The book ultimately describes the promises God has given unto us mothers and fathers regarding how He is truly our deliverer!

Top Ten on Pregnancy!

Top Ten Best Things about Being Pregnant! (in no particular order)

1. Can you say, vessel of life?!
2. Hearing the heartbeat.
3. Seeing your little monkey via sonogram.
4. Getting out of most major tedious projects just because you have a baby bump.
5. Buying pink onesies and silver tutus! :D
6. Getting to shop & decorate for your little one's room.
7. Having the blessing of God upon your marriage.
8. Getting presents everytime people see you!
9. Having people donate their food, just bcos' you're preggers.
10. Clean house! (Hey, this nesting thing is fantastic and frustrating all at the same time!)


Top Ten NOT so fun things about being pregnant! (also in no particular order)

1. These stupid things called hormones. Why Jesus, why? NO Purpose to them!
2. Undershirts riding up your belly making themselves more bras than undershirts.
3. Being too big for your regular jeans, but not big enough for maternity stuff.
4. Everyone thinking you can't do anything because you have some foreign disease called Pregnancy.
5. Everyone's strange need to tell you their birth horror story.
6. Everyone's innate need to touch, rub, talk to and put their face up against your belly. Yes, even strangers.
7. Random nausea. Not enough to make you throw up, and yet suddenly, you're sick to your stomach.
8. Crying at the drop of a hat.
9. Cravings. Although Double-Stuffed Oreo's are great, I'd prefer NOT to have them everyday Aaliya, thank you very much.
10. The comments on how big you are. I mean, must you tell me everytime you see me how big I've gotten in two days? Yeah, no.

I need your help!

Okay, so now that we found out that the baby in my tummy is a lovely little girl I'm quite the busy mama hen trying to figure everything out, since I have to decorate for two little girls and not just one. No, I'm not having twins, but Daniella Grace, my four-year-old is sharing a room with little Aaliya Liberty my coming princess, so I want to be able to purchase the things I need to decorate Daniella's bed and the entire room with time. That being said, I'm undecided and I need your help to pick. I'm posting below four different beddings (all with similar themes) and I'd like to know your opinion. Leave a comment below with your favorite room and maybe this'll make my decision making easier. (Anyone figured out I'm very indecisive, yet?) Anyways, check them out, and get to voting!!

This one my amazing sister-in-law Cheri picked out. It's BananaFish from Babies R' Us.
No Big Girl set for this one, so creativity will have to flow for Daniella's side.

The Amazing Brooke from Pottery Barn Kids!

Big Girl Set

The Kelsey, also from Pottery Barn Kids.

Big Girl Set.

The Beautiful Penelope, from Pottery Barn Kids.
Slight problem, no big-girl set. Boo! :l

So, which one's your favorite?

Kids' Room Progress!

Soo, my two little girls' room was (and has been!) quite the mess, for quite a long time now. Tonight, I got one of, what I like to call, my mommy-nesting energy bursts and decided to tackle that room (and closet!) and although not completely done, I've made QUITE the progress, and I'm so pleased! :) All I need to do is throw away the three bags of trash, vacuum and finish organizing some knick-knacks, and voila! Instant kids' room. Now, if I can only figure out how to fit the furniture in a cute, functional way!

I arranged the closet so that all of Daniella's toys fit into the closet neatly in the bookshelf. They're organized nice and neat, but in a kid-friendly way so that she can clean-up all by herself the same way "Cole" did. :) Before, this closet was literally FILLED top-to-bottom in toys.

This is Daniella's side of the closet. No more strained-out clothes and rushing around to try to find the matching skirt to the cute top for her. All good & ready for her to pick out her own outfit in her independent four-year-old self! :)

One of my co-workers got this onesie set for Aaliya (the littlest Arrazolo in my tummy) and the baby socks were a wedding present from an old-friend. Not much in there quite yet, but I'm sure this collection is bound to grow, leaps and bounds. Just couldn't leave little Aaliya out. hehe.