Married First: Eye Candy

Last Week's Challenge

Write out a list of 5 ways that you can be intentional about serving, honoring, respecting and loving your husband. Then, pick one and do it this week!

Here's my list of five things (as promised).  I don't know about you, but for whatever reason, this list was not as easy to make as I would've expected.  Looks like I'm rusty in preferring my husband. Not. Cool. 

1. Ask about the business he's investing in and get involved!
2. Stop waiting for him to make the effort for a date. He's busy Nicole, and sometimes, he wants to be romanced too. Make a date-night in sometime this week 
3. Give him a back massage (my husband *loves* this. It's his love language)
4. Write him a note that tells him how much you respect him
5. Don't nag about the thing you want to nag about (I won't be sharing details because I don't want to expose anyone negatively)

I actually attempted to do a little bit of them all this week... Let me share about my efforts. 

I asked about the business he/we are involved and invested in, but... [*you guessed it*!] the kids were having a hay-day and we got distracted.  Then, after bedtime we were both tired and not feeling so hot... I have a date-night in planned but I haven't executed it yet. He's been working a lot and we've been recovering from colds. (I'm going to skip three-- because that's where it's at this week, so we'll talk about it in a bit).  Aaliya and I spent time making Daddy cards yesterday that show him how much we love him.  He got them late last night (the household was sleeping) but I hope it brought a smile to his face.  And boo-yah, would you believe I didn't nag this week! Well, except for a text earlier today that told him I was trying NOT to nag, BUT... Never a good idea.  And then, my moment of boo-yahness (furreal).

I *totally* gave him a back massage. This one's worth expanding on. [and the segway into next week's challenge]. 

One of the pitfalls we as mommies tend to fall into is the "exhausted" bit after the wee-ones go down to sleep.  Now, don't get me wrong. I completely get that caring for children full time (or going to work, to then manage a home and caring for children and serving our husbands) is totally exhausting.  Trust me, I do. But God has given us grace for today and that includes serving our husbands as help-meets in whatever way is needed. So... it is absolutely important that as wives and mommies, take care of ourselves to ensure we can serve to the fullest of our capabilities.  

What does this mean?

How about eating a balanced diet so our bodies can produce the energy it needs to cope with day-to-day stress?

How about exercise? 

How about getting out of our pajamas and making sure we look presentable and adorable for when our hubbies get home (Eye candy ladies! Eye candy!)

How about resting?  Letting go of the housework for a little bit and really resting so that we can focus our efforts on what's important.

Just some thoughts. Start taking care of yourself Mommy.  That way, you can serve your man the right way. :) 

This Week's Challenge 

Make an effort to get out of your pajamas every day and look adorable for your hubby everyday. If you go to work, instead of climbing into pajamas when you get home-- change into a comfy dress or skirt that also makes you look *extra* cute. Men are created visual... so, let's meet them there. :) 

Agape, 

Introduction to the Married First Series

I realized today I haven't posted much up on marriage recently.

Hmm. Odd.

And then the Holy Spirit gently nudges me. Hmm.

There are incredibly difficult, trying and busy seasons in life.  Mothering three littles, including one toddler and a very very active almost toddler definitely count as one of those busy seasons. Add full time work for Daddy, a business that needs cultivating, a community ministry we have committed to, and it seems we lose track of doing anything else except the task of molding those babies and meeting our committments.

And this is good and right.
Mostly.

I realized (also today) that I have been caught up in the business of mothering and not enough wivering (again, it's my word. Not in the English dictionary, nevertheless I shall use it [enter copyright here]).  My heart's posture is set on training my children, but somewhere along the line I forgot I was married first, and then I had children. I forgot that Jesus has established order in my home and in that God-given order, my husband comes before my children.

And this is good and right.
Period.

I give kudos to an old friend of mine Alexia who is insanely good at this. She always reminds me that I was married first and then I had children. You can tell from her lifestyle she makes it a priority to be a wife first, a mother second, and a woman third.  So today I remember that my ministry is first to the Lord, then to my husband and out of the overflow of those two, unto my children.

This post isn't filled with deep truth or mighty revelation.  It's just a reality check.  I'm openly admitting to fault, just in case you ever thought about considering about maybe thinking of me as a Supermom (which I am not... just in case you didn't know), and vowing I will change it.

I am going to actively minister to my husband on a day to day basis... Intentionally. And I'm gonna challenge you to do the same.

Every week, I will post up a new challenge on loving, serving and honoring our husbands. It's all about being intentional with them. And respecting them. And loving them.

Leave a comment and let me know if you'll be joining in! I'd love to hear from you!

This Week's Challenge

Write out a list of 5 ways that you can be intentional about serving, honoring, respecting and loving your husband. Then, pick one and do it this week!

I'll be sharing my list next week. So, stay tuned! :)

Agape,

Some thoughts on marriage...

I am by no means a professional on anything related to marriage. I am very much still a newbie at this and will probably feel like I am for the rest of our lives.  Considering marriage is a union of two imperfect people that is meant to portray the perfect love of God for His people, I'm pretty sure we can (and will be!) married for 50 years and still know very little about the union and commitment itself.

Almost 4 years married.
12.21.2008 :)

There is, however, a trend that I've noticed among newlyweds that is completely out of sync with what He had in mind. I've blogged about it before, but it's such a deep and important truth that I feel it's worth writing about again.

Our society (and humanity in general) is pretty good at making godly, holy things into self-centered, bad things. Marriage has become about self rather than love.  Love has been reduced to an emotion rather than a daily commitment based on the good of another-- no matter the cost.  It grieves me, really.  But even more than that is the notion that marriage is meant to fulfill an empty part of ourselves.  You know the saying, "He's my better half?"  Half? Half of what?

I love my husband to death and back, but I was a whole person (theoretically speaking of course, because I was a broken mess before the Cross) before I met him and today I'm still a whole person.  There are zero halves in this marriage.  We are both two completely complete people made complete strictly by the grace of Jesus and His sacrifice on Calvary.  If either of us ever becomes a half, it's not by anything the other has done but because (Heaven-forbid!) we have chosen to walk away from sweet, sweet grace.

Marriage was never intended to fulfill. It was intended to be a glorious picture of Christ and His Bride.  Ultimately, whatever my husband chooses or doesn't choose to do or behave in relation to me is not my ultimate gratification.  Jesus is.  This seems like a pretty "duh" statement and I've always believed and known it was truth.  But if I believed this truth in my heart, offense would never creep up in my heart towards my husband. I would never argue with him or struggle to submit.  I would never have to "fight" for my opinions and views to be heard.  If I believe this truth in my heart, I would gladly and easily demonstrate a gentle and quiet spirit because my entire confidence would be found in the Lord and His goodness towards me.

Please note, I am by no means saying that desiring (emotional & spiritual) intimacy with our husbands is wrong in any sense.  It is good and right for two to become one in every sense of the term, but if by whatever reason our marriage lacks in an area of oneness then we understand our Source for peace, joy, and true intimacy comes first from the Lord.

Agape,

why I'm picking up dirty socks off the floor... again

As I'm sitting to write this, there is a mini-pile of clothes with my hubby's name written all over them...

On.the.floor! Again.

Mind you, I'd spent all day yesterday cleaning. And licking my wounds. I am eight months pregnant, I work, care for a toddler and for our home. Sometimes, it feels like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders-- I just feel like I do it all and while I'm doing it all, I'm doing it in the secret place of our home where no one can see and respond with an accolade.

In moments like that, my heart's tendency is to allow resentment to creep in and my focus to be lost. That's when I pick up the phone and call a friend (or my Mommy) to vent about everything I do, and how under appreciated I am and blah, blah.

But then, as I'm digging through my very old phone's directory, I feel the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit.

Noooo. I refuse this time Lord. I'm doing it all, giving it all, every second of every day and I'm tired.

Have you ever uttered those words? I'm. Tired.

Seems like an excuse to stop serving and complain.

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain. But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me." 

-- Phillipians 2:14-18

We live in a culture that teaches us to serve to the point with which we are being served, yet serve a God who washed the disciples feet before He was betrayed by the same man whose feet He had washed-- unto death-- and calls His believers to follow the same example.  Granted, my husband's no saint (though He is amazing) but he is also no Judas.  He is a man, like any other, fallen and in need of daily redemption by our Savior.  He has strengths, and his weaknesses (dirty clothes on the floor, anyone?), much like any other man I've ever met. 

However, even with those weaknesses, he is still an incredible man who works hard to provide for his family the best he knows how, who adores his kid and bears the Father's heart in his every interaction with them, who loves his wife even through the glory of pregnancy hormones, who is faithful even through the tough times and who loves the Lord and seeks His face.  I have so much more to be thankful for than to complain.  And my bet is, so do you. 

The Lord has designed us to be their helpmate and that includes being poured out as a drink offering on behalf of them.  It means serving, giving and laying down of our lives until there's nothing else to give... And then, when there's nothing left-- giving some more by the grace of the Father who loves to see His children poured out. 

So, if you don't mind I'm going to go pick up that man's dirty socks and basketball shorts... Again and bless him with prayers as I do.  Then, I think I'll make his favorite dinner, just to show him how much I love him. 

How will you honor and serve your husband today?

... a surrendered marriage begins with prayer

I have the insane privilege over the next thirty-five days to help lead a group of believing wives into prayer for their marriages, themselves and their husbands.

I'm leading the group into a Surrendered Marriage Challenge.

Eeep! 

Leading means that I take the first dive.  It means that first and foremost, I'm jumping in and demonstrating the work of the Holy Spirit in my life so that through that Spirit-led lifestyle (and in this case, marriage) I can serve my team and bring hope of what He can do.

This is no small task.

I want to encourage you today-- spend some real, truthful time praying over your spouse today.  Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and bring Scriptures that are just what's on His heart to pray over your significant other.  Prayer is a tool the Lord uses to bring His kingdom down to earth, according to His will.  Beckon the Holy Spirit to bring His Kingdom into your home, starting at the head.

I dare you to pray for your husband today and see the way the Holy Spirit moves in his heart-- and yours.

my secret confession.

I have a secret.

I am an insanely insecure mom. 

Seriously. Every hour of every minute, of every moment of my life since becoming a mother has been weighed down by the question-- am I doing this mothering thing right?

I worried incessantly as a newborn whether I was holding my daughter too much, then I condemned myself for not having breastfed (yes, I wanted to. yes, I tried. yes, I failed), then I worried about whether she had too much, or too little.  I worry now as a toddler whether my discipline methods are proper and biblical-- whether they'll produce the harvest in her little heart I desperately desire for her.  I worry as to how much time I spend away from her; having transitioned from a stay-at-home mama to a stay-at-home AND working mama.  I worry. All the time.

I really really want to be a good mom.  I really really want to be the Proverbs 31 in every sense of the way and at the end of my life, I really really want my husband and children to rise up and call me blessed.

I really really want to stand at the end of my life before my Maker and hear the words from His lips; "well done, my good and faithful servant" when it comes to the stewardship of my children, my marriage and my home.

But in this worry-- in the constant seeking of affirmation, approval and counsel from older women (as Titus 2 instructs us) I have found that most of the counsel I have received have left me increasingly worried that I am just not doing a good job.  If I don't stay home; if I don't homeschool (which we intend to and desire to); if I don't baby-wear; if I don't breastfeed; if I don't nurse; if I don't, if I don't, if I don't... then my child is ruined forever.

I am slowly but surely learning that parenting, marriage and home-making is much like anything else in life.  It comes down to the heart.  If I choose to have children, then leave them simply because I prefer a career to the shepherding of my children't heart-- then I am indeed being a poor steward of the gift Christ has given to me in the little life I call my child.  If I depend on other's gentle touch and hands to mold my children for me while I am away tending to self-seeking and capricious motives, then indeed, I am being a poor steward.

But if your heart longs to please our God of kindness by obedience and faithful instruction of our hearts first and then our children's, then He is faithful to complete the work He has started in us as mothers, wives, homemakers and women. Once again, I learn that it is about letting go and trusting His goodness, His faithfulness not only towards us, but towards our children.

Are you an insecure mom? What are you most insecure about and how can we encourage you to Scripturally obey and lay down that worry or concern before the throne of grace?

being his helpmate even when it's hard.

One of the ways our family has been transitioning is in that my husband has recently opened his own business and is working tirelessly night and day to make it a successful source of income for our family.  I am so incredibly proud of him and blessed to know that he takes his role of "provider" in our family seriously.  I am confident the Lord will bless the work of his hands.

With this transition, however, comes a sudden shift for me in how I support my husband and how he needs me to be his helpmate. This season requires a greater measure of faith on my part on both my sweet husband and the Spirit of God that dwells inside of him.  Part of opening up a business is taking a sort of financial risk.  Being super frugal, this makes me nervous to the bone and truthfully, I wasn't crazy about the idea.  I trust my husband's abilities and his passion about this endeavor, but any sort of risk-taking makes me want to hide under my bed and gives me a sense of anxiousness I'd rather not divulge.  And on top of my anxious feelings, I am still called and required to be his helpmate.  Dear God, this is a recipe for disaster.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." --Phillipians 4:6

In the midst of this new venture it is incredibly easy to become a nag, to sound like that dripping faucet on a rainy day(Prov 27:15).  It is easy to worry over the money being invested rather than the heart of a husband who desires the unconditional support of his wife.  I hate to admit it, but I have more than once been that dripping faucet on a rainy day.  But yesterday, admist another minor melt-down moment, the Spirit of the Lord reminded me that I was created and designed to be Caleb's help-mate, for such a time as this and many to come. 

Being designed to be our husband's help-mate isn't always about keeping the home clean and providing warm, healthy meals on the table.  It isn't always about homemaking or child-rearing.  It isn't always about serving our husband in practical ways that make plenty of sense.  Sometimes, it's about trusting the Holy Spirit to guide him, even when it means your ideal of security is tested.  Sometimes, it's about praying not only for your husband but with him and offering up a thousand encouraging words, trusting and believing every word.

It is, however, always about trusting someone and something greater than your husband.  At the end of the day, the Lord is faithful, and by supporting the man He's given me, I am indeed obeying the Lord.  And He is one who rewards faithfulness in pursuit and diligence in obedience (Heb 11:6).

the secret to a successful, happy marriage

It's kind of funny, ironic in a God sorta way.  The last week and a half or so, many friends and fellow bloggers have zoned in on the subject of marriage.  Melany wrote an amazing post on loving our husbands a couple days back.  Then today, Mary Jo surprised me by writing on six ways to love your husband (even when you're exhausted) and of course Darlene is writing about marriage all month long over at Time-Warp Wife.

It's so beautiful how the Spirit of God is highlighting this area with so many young and seasoned believers!  The covenant relationship of marriage is supposed to demonstrate to the world the covenant relationship we, as believers, have with the Son of God.  He is likened to a Bridegroom throughout the Old Testament (Is 54:5, Isaiah 61:10, the entire book of Hosea), Gospels (Matthew 22:1-14) and even at the culmination in the book of Revelation (Rev 19:7-9). 

And yet, our fallen, sinful human nature in partnership with darkness has dampened this relationship that is so precious and dear to the heart of God. Caleb and I were talking last night-- one of those deep down, honest, raw, "this-is-how-I-really-feel" talks.  As we both spoke and bore our hearts, the common thread in every word, in every whisper of the heart was humanity; broken humanity.

That's what it kept coming back to.  And with the whisper of our human hearts came the whisper of the Spirit of God.  Suddenly I knew the secret to every successful, happy, seemingly-perfect marriage I've ever known or may think I know. (writer's note: I am not so naive as to think any marriage is perfect, but you and I both know of godly, mature, inspiring marriages that we'd like to emulate) 

The secret to those marriages is simple and yet so very complex; grace.  Not the noun grace, but rather the verb grace.  You know the one who's definition is such:

• the granting of a favour or the manifestation of goodwill, esp by a superior
• a sense of propriety and consideration for others
• mercy; clemency

Yeah. I kinda sighed heavily too. If only I learned to show grace instead of nag, or word-vomit all over him about my day when he comes home.  If only I learned that in all my insecurities and fears, he's not perfect either and he carries a set of imperfections just as well as I do.  I think if I learned to do that, I'd love my husband better and I'd be a whole lot happier.  Who says happily ever after doesn't exist?

What do you think?

transparency and honor: the line is drawn

I sat Tuesday evening listening to a group of young ladies.  Most around the same age as me, some a little younger; most in a completely different phase of life.

I was the only wife and mom sitting in the room.  The purpose of the group was one simple, profound and incredibly terrifying word; transparency.  The group is intended to edify, exhort one another as women of God in the very journeys we walk.  It is a group of godly women coming together and whispering in the other's ears; "You can do this.  You're already doing this."  Our purpose is community, maturity and growth.  That's all we crave; community with one another, maturity in Christ and growth in His Spirit. 

And as I sat there, I decided I would be vulnerable.  It's not my forte, but I'll give it a try.  Then the Spirit gently tugged at my heart.  I knew He was speaking.  And what He was spoke was about as unexpected as the sun refusing to shine.

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." --Proverbs 31:11-12

Uhm. Lord?

It suddenly dawned on me that I would be the only married person in the group potentially sharing and expressing transparency in regards to marriage.  And He was reminding me that even in transparency I am to honor and respect my husband.

As women, we have a nasty tendency of gossip that comes all too easily.  Prayer meetings and "venting" sessions with girlfriends become events where gossip and slandering is covered with a spiritual facade, but the Lord our God is not mocked and we will give reckoning for every word spoken.  As a wife, I am commanded to honor and do my husband good all the days of my life. In the name of transparency and healing, we verbally assault our husbands, our families, our friends and any one else we may be offended with, without a second thought to what that may do to their hearts.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit." --Proverbs 18:21

It isn't about hiding away and not being transparent with our sisters in the Lord.  It isn't about pretending that everything is honky-dory and our marriages are perfect.  It is about watching the words that come out of our mouths and being women that can be trusted.  It's about asking the Lord to pour grace upon our lips so that we may always speak life into our marriages, into our families and children and into any and every other aspect of our journey that we struggle with. 

I desire for my husband to know that although I am incredibly transparent about the glory and the challenges to our marriage, I will always speak words that bring life to him and will never dishonor him, ever. I am hardly a pro, but have been diligently praying about this for several days and feel a strong urge to share the little practicals to what all this entails.

1. When being transparent, choose your friends wisely:  There will always be someone with an ear to hear.  Especially a girlfriend.  However when sharing things in regards to our marriages, we should be very picky and choosy as to whom we share it with.  It should be just a few Spirit-filled women who will counsel you with the Word of God and not emotional support.  The purpose of transparency isn't venting, it's correction and growth.  Be careful that you do not choose women who will merely tell you what you want to hear, but choose women who live and dwell in His Word that will support your spiritual growth more than your emotions.
2. When being transparent, choose your words wisely: My general is this; if I wouldn't feel comfortable saying it with Caleb within earshot, I probably shouldn't say it.  I understand that a portion of transparency is to figure things out together by the Counsel of the Word of God, however, if the manner which I'm describing the situation is said in a way that I know would make my husband angry, uncomfortable or etc, I shouldn't say it. 
3. When being transparent, BE transparent:  Be honest with your mistakes and your downfalls. That's the whole purpose!

What about you?  What are some guidelines and boundaries you've established when being transparent in regards to your marriage?

P.S. We will be taken a short break this week from The Devotional with Littles series. It's been a very busy week and I'm not sure I'll get an opportunity to post again today or tomorrow with our series.  Thanks for your patience! :)

seeking Jesus as the married one

1 Corinthians 7:34 has been running through my heart a lot...

"... The woman who is unmarried and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband."

Truthfully, this Scripture has baffled me... often! So, I did what any clueless person would do and I read the commentary by Matthew Henry (one of my favs!) on it as well as one by William Barclay.  They spoke truth, wisdom and knowledge (although I favor Matthew Henry's commentary) and Matthew Henry wrote an intriguing thought that got me thinking.

"This is the general rule, which every one's discretion must apply to his own particular case; and by it should he endeavour to determine, whether it be for marriage or against. That condition of life should be chosen by the Christian in which it is most likely he will have the best helps, and the fewest hindrances, in the service of God and the affairs of his own salvation." -- Matthew Henry on 1 Corinthians 7:34

I have encountered through this journey alongside my brothers and sisters in the faith that often times, newly married couples (including me and the Husband when we first wed) are... surprised by the sudden shift in one's personal spiritual climate once the vows have been said and the unity blessed.  The couple is now "concerned with things of the world" and things get a little... complicated.

It is no secret that marriage greatly affects our walk with the Lord.  Once married, the rules change and the atmosphere shifts.  It is not that we no longer carry an undistracted, undying love for our Savior, but now duty governs over whim and it is godly to be concerned with how we may please our spouse.  This is found good and right and holy.  

But what about when this truth doesn't exactly settle in?  As newlyweds, the Husband and I struggled in how exactly we were to do this married Christian thing.  It wasn't that we lacked in upward love, we lacked in wisdom and understanding. We were both used to spending countless hours alone with Christ, dropping everything at a moment's notice to simply lock ourselves up in our room to pray.  And then, that was good and that was right.  It was Holy and pleasing unto the Lord.

And then we got married; and things changed.  I was expected to have dinner on the table and laundry folded in addition to working full-time hours.  I expected him to spend quality time with me after working overtime to provide even more for our family and take out the trash before the day's end.  He was already a father, I was becoming a mother.  And time got away from us.  Neither one knew how to do this Christian Married Couple thing.

Please hear my heart on this (I'm finding myself having to say that a lot... maybe I should stay away from potentially controversial posts...).  I am not saying that marriage causes us to draw away from the Lord nor to spend less time with Him.  I am by no means saying such a thing.  I am saying however that it looks different; same as when you become a parent and then when you become the parent of multiples.  It's a learning curve we all go through and the beauty that shines forth from that is a wonderful testimony of Christ's glory and love.

The Husband and I are still getting the hang of it.  We still trip up, and more often than not we get caught up in the things of the world (which by the way in the original Greek/Aramaic context does not mean the things of the world that we are not to love, but rather the things of the world that are necessary to walk in Holy order).  It is the grace of God that abides within us and the grace of God that causes us to grow and become fruitful in this area. 

On our wedding day, we devoted some time to worship Christ for His perfect gifts

But, we were missing one thing... Unity.  In the middle of our frustrations, we were living together, breathing together and talking together but we weren't being together.  He was lost in his duties as a husband and I was lost in my duties of my wife.  We forgot to seek the Lord together so that He can show us His purposes for our family and our union.  In this evil time where marriage is being scorned and mocked, I urge you to seek the Lord out not only as a family, but as a couple.

It is imperative to the health of your marriage to seek Him together, alone without the rush rush of babies and feedings and clean-ups and to-do's. 

And it is imperative to the health of your Spirit as well.  Truthfully that is the most eternal and most real truth of them all...

What challenges have you encountered as a married woman in continuing to purposefully seek the Lord? 

My Husband Rox

It was a dark dark night of the soul. I left home to find myself, I came back broken and shattered into a million pieces. My heart had deceived me once again and I couldn't handle the reality that was surrounding me.

I was for sure going to be "punished" by my Heavenly Father; of this I was certain. Every desire in my heart would be witheld until I was foolish no longer. But I have a good Father, who loves to give me good gifts.

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." --James 1:17

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" --Matthew 7:11

Suddenly and so very unexpectedly enters in the man I would one day call my husband. I knew of him, but I didn't know him. I didn't know then what made him tick, I didn't know his dreams, desires, his testimony. All I knew was that he left his life behind in Texas to pursue his 2 year old daughter, and that he loved Jesus.

But, beloved, he knew me. He knew the very fragile, broken condition of my heart. He knew my sorrows and my tears; and he knew the words to say to encourage and strengthen my heart enough to believe that Jesus was big enough to heal my scars and restore my dreams.

It appears, that this man had been praying for me since before I'd left on my so called grand-adventure. "She'll be back," he'd told his roomate (my good friend at the time). And six months later, I was. And six months later, he was waiting for me. And then he kept waiting when I cut off all male contacts for six weeks so that I could "heal" (or attempt to) from all that'd gone wrong.

My Husband Rocks because God used him in the most unlikely way at the most unlikely time in my life. When I was shattered, my husband was willing to love me and see straight through me, though no one else did. He rocks because even in my most vulnerable state, he took the utmost precaution with me and my heart. He rocks because he's always been an outstanding father and he's given me a precious gift; our two daughters.

My Husband Rocks because he still does all these things and more.

But most importantly and above all else, he rocks because he has taught me how to love like Jesus. The utmost goal in our life is to glorify Christ and become like Him. We are to love Him above all else and consider this the greatest desire and fulfillment of our lives (Matt 22:37, Phil 3:8). In my relationship with that man, I have learned (and am always learning) the meaning and the truth found in 1 Corinthians 13.

When everything stopped being perfect and "story-book" like in our lives and in our relationship, I had to learn (probably for the first time in my life--and furreal) how to lean upon and rest upon Jesus; His promises, His truths, His wisdom, His counsel and His love. When darkness threatened this three-fold-cord I learned what it meant to interceed and what it is to partake in the fellowship of Christ's suffering. I learned to serve and give of myself and I learned to love.

In him being the very man God intended, I have found one who always challenges me to love bigger, give more and live better. And in it and through it and on it and whatever else there is, my husband gave me the greatest gift anyone could ever give me. He led me straight to Jesus!

My Husband Rocks because he doesn't have to do anything but be himself for his little girls (and Momma!) to love him, and because in his God-given greatness he leads us straight into the arms of Jesus every single time!

That man is my good thing and my very good gift! <3

*This post is a contest entry in Time-Warp Wife's "My Husband Rocks" contest. Nevertheless, it's so nice to boast about how utterly amazing my hubbers is! :)

on forgiveness, Jesus and marriage

Forgiveness.

It has a bitter-sweet ring to it. You know, it's like... a four letter word, just with more letters... So, more sting.

One of the primary duties of a wife is to forgive her husband, daily for every single one of his shortcomings. Because ladies, your husband has them.

No? Oh, okay... maybe it's just mine.

Nevertheless, Scripture instructs us in 1 Peter 4:8 that love covers a multitude of sins.

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."

I am convinced that this comes by one way and one way only.

Forgiveness

Choosing to forgive him everyday.

Because he is as fallen as I am. Because I know how frail he is, and his heart is meant to trust mine completely (Proverbs 31:11). Because I am created as his help-mate and forgiveness is a step for him to become all he was created to be. Because I want him to forgive me when I make mistakes (and, oh I will... oh boy, will I). Because he loves me and at the end of the day, my anger is not as important as the vow we have made to each other.

But most importantly, I am called to forgive him because Christ said so...

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Eph 4:31-32)

... Just as Christ has forgiven me. Unconditionally. Without reserve. Without thought as to who's right or wrong, who's worthy and unworthy. He's forgiving me as a way to draw me closer to Himself... Because I am the desire of His heart.

Unfortunately, our culture is so saturated by such self-pity, independent, "I-have-the-right-to-equal-rights" flesh-set mindset that we have forgotten to teach the art of forgiveness.

And without forgiveness, marriage cannot work.

It is the design of God, to bring two imperfect vessels perfectly together, that we may understand forgiveness, even if it's a little bit better. It brings us closer to His heart, as He is the ever-forgiving, Holy and Just King.

He was meek and lowly, forgiving even unto the death.

lessons learned while dancing

I love to dance. And I mean, really. I used to dance all the time.

But once again, the mundane got a hold of me and I stopped. Well, thankfully I've got a great set of friends who are actually salsa instructors for a wonderful salsa dancing company (if you live in FL and want to try dancing, hit them up!) and they asked me to run the door for their Clermont location on Friday nights.

I talked to Caleb about it, prayed and went ahead with it. Friday nights is officially Daddy-Daughters date nights. =)

Welp, I'm back in the swing of things... And by swing of things I mean I'm around dancing again.

I'm not dancing myself... much.

However in the midst of my non-dancing much, I am learning and being reaffirmed of one thing.

The man always leads.

In the words of one of the instructors, "Men, if you're not leading the lady, you are the lady."

He says it every beginner's class, and every class he gets a chuckle, but how very true it rings out here in non-dancing mundane real world.

The man was created and intended to lead. It is his job and his calling to be the head of the household and to lead his family into the very purpose which is set upon them by Christ.

Yet in our feminist minded society (why yes, I do happen to wage war on such ridiculous thinking-- feminism) the man and the woman lead, often times the woman taking the lead, demasculinating a man before he gets an opportunity to show what a God-minded, Word-driven, capable of leading man he truly is.

Call me old-fashioned, but I say the man leads. It's his purpose. It's his calling.

So, I'm pondering on this thought when one of the "assistant-teacher-ish" guys comes up to me (in the lobby mind you, because I refuse to dance where anyone's watching) and says "Come on, let's re-teach you how to dance"

Umm, no thanks. (enter fear of humiliation here)

But, I go for it anyway.

So as I'm dancing I realize that my entire life I've been playing lead in this dance of life. Or at least I've tried to. And I'm no good at it.

No wonder partner dancing and me never did well...

Then, of course, as I'm getting the "hang" of it again (and I mean I'm not stepping all over his toes) I hear Rachel (my very pregnant friend who's one of the dance instructors) bark at me... "Stop back-leading! Don't think about it, just follow him and don't think about it."

Apparently, I would follow him but turn when I thought I should turn and step when I thought I should step. I wasn't allowing him to show me or lead me to the place he needed me to be. I was still trying to make my own decisions. Because he's a pretty good dancer and I have 20% of the knowledge he does... I was wrong most of the time.

And then it hit me...

How many of us try to back-lead in our marriages? Portraying the appearance of submission yet really wanting to make things happen behind the scenes. There is still a lack of trust in our husbands and the God inside of them, so we "submit" but then turn and spin as we see fit.

It's one of those things that I need to pray outta me and practice the opossite. The true meaning of submission.

So, as I continue to learn not to backlead in salsa, I will be praying and working out my salvation in this aspect; I will honor my husband and trust the God within him wholeheartedly, practicing the art of real submission.

What about you? Are you aware of the full meaning of submission? What are some ways you may be trying to "back-lead" in your marriage?

This post is linked with Titus2days

the love story of Hannah and Elkanah

This is part 3 of the "Heart of Hannah" series. If this is your first time joining us, begin the journey here.

As we continue on our trek with Hannah, we have learned that Hannah had three great loves in her life... Heaven, her Husband and her Home.

She was the ultimate homemaker, bride and follower of God.

In her love for her husband, we have learned that she selflessly submitted to her husband despite her personal emotions and struggles. She took submission to the death of feminism... She said "Yes, my lord" and trusted the goodness of her Heavenly Bridegroom.

Today, I want to talk about the love story between Elkanah and Hannah.

Those two loved each other.

The few verses devoted to their mutual affection for one another carries a greater romance than any chick-flick I've seen... "The Notebook" has nothing on Hannah and Elkanah.

Let's just start at the beginning. I know what you're wondering... "Umm, Nicole, there's no way he loved her that much. He had another wife." Well, yes. He did. But remember that Hannah was barren. She was unable to have children and culturally speaking a man was without honor if he had no sons to carry out his name. So, technically speaking he didn't have a choice.

**I am by no means making an excuse for Elkanah in taking another wife. Personally, I'm not entirely sure polygamy is the way to go.**

However, regardless of that fact, Elkanah consistently showed Hannah his favor and his love. Even though Penninah consistently hurt and taunted Hannah, Elkanah showed his favor upon her by granting her double portions during the sacrifice (1Sam 1:4-5).

In this, I see that Elkanah prayed most for Hannah.

Although Penninah had children (many, in fact), Scripture shows us that he gave most to his barren bride. Because he loved her and she loved him back (she showed this by her submission).

Then, when Hannah had enough. When she'd had a break down and was crying hysterically over her misfortune and the lack of children, Elkanah spoke one of the most tender phrases in Scripture...

"Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1Sam 1:8:b) In essence, Elkanah was saying...

"Baby, I know that your heart's desire hasn't been met. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but I want to be your hope. I want to be your good thing. I love you for you not for the sons you may or may not give to me, I love you Hannah for you. Please let our love be enough."

Oh. My. Goodness. This is love. A true picture of God's heart for us. Sigh.

How easy it is to respond in submission for such a love. :)

And won't you know it... Hannah loved Elkanah right back.

"Hannah's love for her husband is the first key to understanding her profound influence as a mother. Contrary to popular opinion, the most important characteristic of a godly mother is not her relationship with her children. It is her love for her husband. The love between husband and wife is the real key to a thriving family. A healthy home environment cannot be built exclusively on the parents' love for their children. Furthermore, all parents need to heed this lesson: what you communicate to your children through your marital relationship will stay with them for the rest of their lives. By watching how mother and father treat one another, they will learn the most fundamental lessons of life: love, self-sacrifice, integrity, virtue, sin, sympathy, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. Whatever you teach them about those things, right or wrong, is planted deep within their hearts."

The submission of Hannah

This is part three in our "Heart of Hannah" series. If you're just joining us, read the beginning of the journey here. There are days when I am over the moon. Others, I am plagued with every insecurity in the book.

Most of the time I am candid and vulnerable with my husband. When things don't seem to go my way and I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the very dark tunnel, he tends to guide me and two of course are better than one.

I remember one time, when I was sharing with him how insecure I was feeling (one of my many ongoing struggles) he very lovingly and yet very sternly asked me... "Don't you ever just tell the flesh to shut up? Pull out the Word of God and quote it. Just beat that thing with the Word of God."

Gasp!

How dare he? Here I am fishing for pity and some sort of compassion and instead I receive loving reproof. I would love to say I answered correctly and submitted and saw my wrong. Yeahhh, I didn't. I saw the value in what he said, but because he didn't give me butterflies before saying it, I chose to become offended. It didn't stay that way for long of course, but it happened nonetheless.

In 1 Samuel 1, when Hannah was teased by her rival, Peninnah (her husband's other wife... ooo the nerve!) she withdrew herself and did not partake of the celebration which they were in the tabernacle for.

Hannah was hurt! Her hope was deferred and that little... hussy... kept provoking her!

And yet, Elkanah, her husband, in love does what every husband should do. He comforts her, reproves her and says one of the most romantic things a [natural] man tells his wife.

"Then Elkanah, her husband, said to her, 'Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better than ten sons?' " --1 Samuel 1:8

[enter pause... fanning tears away from my eyes]

One of the things that stirred me about Hannah was her response. "She did not harden herself not grow sullen" in her grief nor her reproof.

She didn't call him an insensitive jerk who married another woman (like our matriarch Sara did to Abram).

She didn't withdrawal and refuse to be vulnerable. She didn't sulk for days and give Elkanah the silent treatment.

She submitted to her husband, strengthened herself in the Lord and prayed.

"Then Hannah rose after drinking and eating at Shiloh. Now Eli was sitting at the doorpost of the temple of the Lord." --1 Samuel 1:9

Although the reason for her avoiding food is never made clear, that reason (whether pity, fasting or just a lack of appetite because of heartache) becomes second to Hannah as she responds lovingly and submissively to her husband. She does the very thing he mentions and asks of her.

Her response is exactly who I want to be. Exactly how I want to respond. I wanna be like Hannah.

the 3 loves of Hannah

As a wife, mom and a woman of God, I am on a continual journey to "work out my salvation in fear and trembling" (Phil 2:12) within the ministry God has given me.

I desire to love extravagantly as I know this is what the Lord has called me to. My biggest mission is to love. Love the Lord my God with my entire heart, mind, soul and strength" (Deut 6:5); love my husbands and love my children (Titus 2:4), and my neighbor as myself (Lev 19:18b).

Hannah, was a woman with three great loves in her life. Heaven, her husband, and her home.

I want to be like Hannah.

Heaven

"She [Hannah] was a devout woman whose affections were set on heavenly things, not on earthly things. Her desire for a child was no mere craving for self-gratification. It wasn't about getting what she wanted. It was about self-sacrifice, giving hersef to that little life in order to give him back to the Lord." (reference)

Hannah's prayer life wasn't self centered. She didn't ask for a son for her sake or for the sake of her husband even (though that would not have been a wrong motivation). She didn't wanna stick it to Peninnah and go "aha!"

She requested a son so that he may be given back to the Lord.

It wasn't a spiritual thing either... She wasn't just giving Samuel to the Lord "spiritually" while he remained with her. No, she gave him up to the Lord completely. She desired to bear a son for God's temple. It wasn't about her gain, but rather the gain in and for Heaven.

Hannah was comforted by the Lord in prayer, she literally unloaded her burden before the Lord and left knowing He was faithful. (more on this later, I'm just kinda laying a foundation on her love for Heaven)

Hannah loved the things of Heaven more than she loved herself and the temporal.

I wanna be like Hannah.

Husband

"Hannah's love for her husband is the first key to understanding her profound influence as a mother." (reference)

Hannah loved Elkanah deeply. And he loved her back.

"Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons." (1Sam1:8)

Hannah showed great respect, submission and love to Elkanah throughout the story of 1 Samuel 1. She held him in great regard and was therefore able to be an amazing mother to Samuel and have a lasting impact on his life.

Too often, we forget that our relationships with our husband and the love we have for them is a deep and lasting lesson we teach our children on a day to day basis.

Hannah loved Elkanah, despite the disfunction in her family. Hannah loved him deeply, despite the fact he married another. Hannah loved him despite the fact that he gently corrects her in the midst of her pain. Hannah loved him despite every circumstance and struggle they encountered.

If anything, their love grew stronger.

I wanna be like Hannah.

Home

When Hannah was granted Samuel, she devoted herself entirely to his care during the first few years of his life.

She gave up Church services and stayed home with him with a willing heart. (1Sam1:22-23). Her ministry was completely and entirely revolving around her home.

Hannah didn't have a blog where she can minister outside her home and reach other homes. She didn't have Titus 2 Moms groups to support her nor where she could minister. She didn't have the opportunity to pour into youth as a leader. She even forsook the house of prayer for three years to devote herself to her home and her child.

And the outstanding part. She did so willingly. She asked Elkanah to stay home. She had no desire to minister outside her home.

She was perfectly content and satisfied with the ministry of the home; both to her child and husband and to the Lord.

I wanna be like Hannah.

The heart of God

The more that I spend in prayer seeking the Lord on behalf of my family, the more I am convinced of one thing.

Marriage is at the very core of the heart of God. It is His very heartbeat.

It truly grieves my heart to see how neglected the covenant and institution of marriage is and has been in the Church.

We tend to place an unnecessary focus on public ministry and individual ministry rather than on the beautiful ministry of the family and home. Meeting requirements and "serving" becomes the focus of our messages when all along, God created marriage to be the greatest sermon ever preached.

So, I am on a journey. I am going to spend the next few weeks digging deep in the Word of God, praying and asking for revelation and His heart for marriage.

I'm gonna have some company along the way. Wanna join?

-- Bill Humphrey, IHOP-Atlanta's director did an 8 part series on marriage. Caleb and I listened to the first teaching and I can honestly say, it rocked our world! We will follow these series, "Glory of Marriage" and spend some time daily in praying in these truths. =)

-- I'll also be reading a few books on marriage. I am going to finish "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace and go through "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas.

-- I am *hoping* to blog daily encouragements to the wives out there, and sharing what He is showing me.

In the meantime, I would love to hear your stories on love, marriage and holiness.

honoring their father

The word honor is by far one of my favorite words in the english language. Honor as in the verb, not the noun.

The verb is, after all, towards someone else the noun tends to be self-centered.

And as a wife, the Word calls us to honor our husbands and to raise our children to honor their fathers.

I got the rare opportunity, as a mommy of two, to sleep in yesterdat. Ahh, the joys. And of course, I've got my amazing husband to thank for that.

When I finally woke up (at a ridiculous hour which I will not share!), hubbers was ready to go to fix his car with one of the elders of our Church. He threw in the hint that the house was messy (of course it is, with two kids and little "Sammy" being with us).

I had a choice to make right at that moment in time. I could've blown it off and just focused on my morning and my day. Or I could use it as a teaching moment for Daniella.

So, with God's grace, I chose the latter and for the first time (at least knowingly) I got the opportunity to share with her how we can honor Daddy by doing as he's asked. Cleaning, a normally drudgeful job filled with "but why's" followed by the very minimal requirement, suddenly became a joy.

Daniella was looking for ways to work diligently and excellently!

She desired to honor her Daddy. And the joy she exuberated when Daddy came home and she got to show off the amazing work she'd done, lit up my entire weekend and fueled my heart to continue on in this journey called Motherhood in an excellent way.

I have learned that in teaching our children to honor their fathers, we are truly teaching them to honor their father in Heaven. If they learn to desire to honor their Daddy's (which we all inherently do), then honoring their Heavenly Fathers by living a holy, set apart and consecrated lifestyle will be a joy and not an impossible standard set.

What about you Mommy friends, how do you teach your children to honor their father?