almost

The house is *almost* quiet and I finally get an opportunity to sneak away and have me time. The only noise going is the baby's soundmaker, the dishwasher and my adorable *almost* four year old nephew talking away with his Momma. I'm enjoying the greatest blessings and joy right now in that I am attempting to serve my two sisters-in-law, one of which is expecting a sweet baby this coming September, my brother in law and my absolutely outstanding niece and two nephews.

I am truly beyond the moon.

And, I am also exhausted. This is only day two of hosting them and although I absolutely love love love them and I love having them here, I am also exhausted in more ways than one.

Truthfully, I have set myself up for massive failure. Once again, in my *almost* perfectionist state, I have set unrealistic goals that I just cannot meet. I once again forget that regardless what I think, I am not supermom and I am not a professional at hospitality.

I desire to be hospitable, I am willing. Even with limited resources I am willing and I am *trying* to do everything wholeheartedly unto the Lord.

But even in my willingness, my ever-faithful, ever bothersome companion, insecurity has crept in and made me wonder if I'm really any good at anything.

It has made me feel like my limited resources are an inconvenience and disqualify me from my willingness and hard work.

It has made me feel like I am a horrible mother because I don't mother like her.

It has made me feel like my faults are exposed and repulse every individual around me.

It has made me feel like I just don't have it together.

Frankly, insecurity is a big, fat, mean jerk.

And then, I hear that sweet, gentle, unmistakable Voice whispering to my ear;

"Martha, Martha, why do you concern yourself with such things?"

And enter in my reality check.

I remember that my Jesus values my willingness and delights in my servant's heart, despite the blunder that results therefrom.

I remember that regardless of what little I have, He is pleased because I'm willing to give it away, even if that means I might skip a few meals.

I remember that He is molding me to be the mommy that I need to be and He will complete the work He has started because I am willing.

And most importantly, I remember that He is working His salvation out within me, individually and uniquely.

I am not my sister(s)-in-law and they are not me. And although they *almost* have it all together (or at least it so seems to me), I am where I am because He has wants me here.

So, down goes the necessity to ensure that everything is perfect, and in comes in me actually enjoying my family while they're here.

Hmm, who woulda thunk?