So sit down with me, grab a cup of coffee (Grande soy xtra caramel Caramel Machiatto? yes please!) and let's chat.
Have you ever been clueless at parenting? I mean completely unsure on what to do and how? Insecure of what exactly you should or shouldn't be doing? I mean it's pretty much a hit or miss and this is someone's life we're talking about!
Oh, you haven't? Yeah, me neither. :l
Aaliya is growing by leaps and bounds and the more she grows the more unsure I am of my ability to mother. I know in my heart of hearts that I am more than able with His strength to raise and train up these little ones. After all, He has chosen me to be her mommy.
He's chosen me to be the mommy to this strong, loving and loud little boo-boo. Nevertheless, I wonder.
Is letting her cry it out really the best thing or should I comfort her and be close to her? Is wanting to be held and loved a lot a sign of spoiling or of a child who just loves Mommy, Daddy, and the others who often hold her? How can I get her to nap so that her little body is well-rested? When is the proper time to start disciplining on her heart and her character? Can I really train up this child in the way that she should go so that she can be an overwhelming conqueror in the trying times ahead? Really Lord?
Then, of course we've got our very unique and special circumstances with Daniella.
Being a stepmom is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world. Yes, even harder than being a biological mommy. As a stepmommy you love a little one like they are your own. But, you've got to share them. Sharing your children is one of the toughest things as a mom. It is painful and wonderful all in one. Don't tell me I can't love this one like she's my own. Because I do. So then the questions start to rise...
Lord, how do I convey how much I really do love her without stepping over the God-given boundaries that exist? What is my role in training up this young one? How will she feel about me? How does she feel about me? Does she know how much I really care? Does the time we're apart wear on her confidence of my love for her? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much?
Oh the questions that plague a Mommy's heart. My prayer to You oh God is that You will teach me, guide me and show me how to be a mommy to these ones.
Truly, I don't know how women mother without Christ.
Without Him, I'm not entirely sure I would have survived the last eight months. And, seriously kudos to you single mamas who don't have daddy's support and involvement.
It is truly by the grace of God that we mother and that we breathe.
What about you? What are some of the questions that plague your Mommy heart and how do you strengthen yourself in the Lord and in His goodness?
I have been through the same. You always here, don't do this don't to that. Especially spanish people, with all of there concepts and views, you know how it is. lol
ReplyDeleteI have learned in this whole mommy process to do what works for me, for my family and for my baby. Honestly every baby has different needs, Grace was chill, fell asleep on her own, I really didn't have to do a sort of "training". I held her as much as I wanted, you will never get that back. Trust me, I was not the type to let my babies cry it out, that time when they want to me held and really do want to be close becomes less in several months when all they want to do is explore their surroundings, and are hard to keep still in your arms. Grace was super easy, Joshua is a totally different baby, he does need my touch more to fall asleep, even if it just holding my hand, or rubbing his head for a few minutes. He loves the attention, and I have to find balance with him, sometimes I put him down and he whines and I have to just tell him he is fine, and let him wine a little.
But really, it is what works for you. What is best for Aaliyah. Every baby is different and every mom is different. I am all for letting a baby cry a little in their crib but I wont let them cry for a really long time. Some moms will just let them scream, but that is what works for them. It is all what you want to do....you will not screw your baby up =) and as for Ms. Gabriella, you are awesome, not all step moms worry about making their spouses children feel like their very own, and worry about whether they know home much they are loved. The time that you do get with Gabriela give her all the love that you can, she is only gonna get older, and really appreciate what a wonderful momma you are, in fact she will prob say, she has to mommas not one =) you are so awesome Nicole, and you are doing a beautiful job!!!
Great post Nicole! I didn't know until 4 weeks ago that I would be asking all of these questions myself. I think there is power in numbers and to be able to rely on each other as mothers and our experiences is so very important.
ReplyDeleteI have always considered myself to be a Christian woman although I do think that, over the years, I have slipped farther and farther away from my faith. However, one thing I can tell you is that when I was blessed with the miracle of this little girl... well, let's just say I find a little more of that faith every single day. I now think it's quite impossible to mother without Christ.
I think all we can do is the best we are capable of. Educate ourselves, utilize all of our resources, and trust in our hearts what He already knows - that we are capable of providing everything for our children.
As a side note, I happen to think your a fabulous mother and you have been an incredible support system and role model for me. Thank you for that.