Thursday, July 25, 2013

Psalms 61:2

I think I finally understand what that verse means...

I was tucking away our djembe and just asking God for help.  I knew I needed it.  It had been one of those days where I wasn't fully engaging with anything or anyone because I felt I had failed once again.  I'd expected to take the kids for a park, play in the rain, deep clean my house and sip on a cup of coffee during their nice long nap... [Yeah, I know. No wonder I failed.] Nevertheless I'd screamed at my children one too many times on this particular rainy icky day and everything they did was cumbersome to me in some way or form. Maybe it was the weather, or the fact that I knew I didn't have a car all day and I desperately wanted to avoid the house.  Maybe it was that the house was destroyed (again) or that I felt not good enough as a mom (again).  Maybe it was that I hadn't spent purposeful time with the Lord or that it was just a Thursday. Who knows.

But at that very moment, my heart screamed wildly; "Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."  It's no secret that I make buckets and buckets of mistakes, specifically for our purposes, in parenting (though trust me, my severe mistake-making is clear across the board).  I yell more than I should.  I have to work really hard at disciplining without anger and most of the time, I lay my kids down 15 minutes earlier than I should to simply savor a little bit of uninterrupted time.  But I think the worst part is that I tend to be overwhelmed most days. The burden of this God-given responsibility to train up children in the way they should go is overwhelming enough, add to that missions, housework, personal and internal battles, marriage, a side couple of side businesses and my heart is beyond overwhelmed.  I am a wreck day in and day out.  I am not one of the moms that sail throughout the day with a smile on her face and her cape safely tucked under her gourmet apron.  I struggle through this thing all the time. And most of the time I feel overwhelmed.  I still can't get over the fact that God trusted me with two lives to lead in the way they should go.

Nevertheless, in that overwhelm, my heart cries out.. "Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." I've said it once, twice, three times.  Motherhood, I'm convinced, is designed to lead us to the truth of the Gospel and the foot of the cross.  Every bit of weakness and overwhelm on our part gets to scream out and demonstrate who Jesus is.  He is the rock that is higher than I.  He is the standard and the truth. In my overwhelmed state, I get to meet the God Who is strong, the God I build my life upon and therefore need not worry about the coming storms.  In my overwhelm, I get to meet the God is sure and keeps me and my children safe. In my overwhelm I get the opportunity to be led by Jesus to pastures besides still waters. I am truly terrified at how people do this without Jesus.  We cannot mother without Him. If your heart is overwhelmed today friend, be led to the sturdy, stead, trustworthy rock who is Jesus.