Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Goals Nov 20-Nov 26

Yesterday was supposed to be goals day around here. Buuuttttt... well, let's just say it was a busy day and blogging was not on my radar.  Nevertheless, I do want to keep up with it, so here's last week's updates with this week's goals.

1. Have uninterrupted quiet time with Jesus daily -- I did really well at abiding in Him throughout the day regarding conversations with Him and such, but it wasn't uninterrupted, and it wasn't always quiet. 
2. Exercise 3x this week -- HA! Not even once. Oops. Here's to the reset button.
3. Look into education programs to work on from home I think I found the one I want to pursue, but Caleb and I are still praying about it and whether now is the time for it, or not. 
4. Read two chapters of current book I'm reading

1. Have a quiet date night -- Not even close
2. Chat with Hubby on upcoming Christmas holiday and schedule -- Sortaaaa.  Def will do this week, though
3. Sit with him and listen to his heart on Bids that Give (more on this later)

1. Have devotional time with kiddies every day -- We had daily worship time, but I wasn't crazy intentional about sitting down and having set-apart, devotions time. Oops. 
2. Print out "Joy Cards" -- I missed my chance. 
3. Make Thanksgiving Chain with them!
4. Plan out Thanksgiving crafts
What our Thanksgiving wall looked like last week
1. Make rice cereal for Justice -- He *hated* it by the way. He is eating some yummy peas and sweet potatoes now though. 
My little guy post pea meal :) 
2. Make special-meal-plan for upcoming week -- I decided with certain events in our life last week, it'd be better to save this for *after* the holidays.
3. Plan Advent activities -- Not even close
4. Keep up with laundry I only have the kids' clothes to wash today :) 

Here is an update on this week's goals.

1. Finish CARES application (again, more on this later. Lots of exciting changes going on for our family!)
2. Exercise 3x this week
3. Read two more chapters of current book
4. Wake up around 630a every day. 

1. Pray together as a couple, several times this week (>2)
2. Talk about Christmas coming up
3. Have a date night
4. Remind him how thankful I am for him

1. Talk about intentional thanksgiving that comes from the heart
2. Have special "Mommy & Me" time with each baby
3. Pray, every day, for my babies

1. Menu Plan & Grocery Shop (we've been living off several small grocery trips)
2. Try two new recipes for Thanksgiving
3. Keep up with basic home duties
4. Plan for Advent

What are your goals this week? 


Monday, November 12, 2012

Goal Setting 11-12 thru 11-18

A little while back, I began posting my goals for the week up for accountability purposes.  So, I want to get back to that. It worked for me to have the unknown (and somewhat known) world look into my goal-setting list waiting for progress the following week. 

That said, and keeping it simple, here are this week's goals. 

1. Have uninterrupted quiet time with Jesus daily
2. Exercise 3x this week
3. Look into education programs to work on from home
4. Read two chapters of current book I'm reading

1. Have a quiet date night
2. Chat with Hubby on upcoming Christmas holiday and schedule
3. Sit with him and listen to his heart on Bids that Give (more on this later)

1. Have devotional time with kiddies every day
2. Print out "Joy Cards"
3. Make Thanksgiving Chain with them!
4. Plan out Thanksgiving crafts

1. Make rice cereal for Justice
2. Make special-meal-plan for upcoming week
3. Plan Advent activities
4. Keep up with laundry

What are your goals this week?


Sunday, November 11, 2012

More ramblings on ceasing to strive

I kinda come in and out of this blogging world.  I try to stay consistent, I do.  But it's not secret that I'm one frazzled Mama of three little ones.  I often get disappointed in myself for not writing as often as I want, or about kinda jumping in and out of here.  It's not that I don't want to write nor that I don't have things to write about.  Part of it is the frazzled Mama syndrome and the other part is just me processing and figuring how I'm going to make sense out of the little whispers my heart hears Jesus speak.

Lately me and Jesus have been talking a lot about my incessant striving. It seems I'm a person who can't just stop and be still.  I'm always and constantly striving for acceptance; someone's, anyone's, everyone's acceptance.  I don't say no and I tend to work at pleasing the crowd.  My interest's in general and basic things tend to go with popular vote (by popular, I don't mean culture's popular-- I'm talking about my inner group of friends).  I dress the way I think I'll look less like a geek which tends to put me in this terribly "safe" box where I actually hate most of what I own. I talk a lot just to prove I'm not a dork and I'm just as cool as the rest... which most of the time ends up backfiring as I over-talk and I show my true, uncool colors. What is that thing the Bible says?  Oh yeah... "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Matt 12:34)

I just don't want to be rejected. I hate being made fun of and I work at avoiding it at all costs.

But, there's a little bit of a big problem.

By nature and design I am a strange and eclectic individual. I'm not the type to be popular or cool.  I've never really understood most "cool" behaviors, styles or general thought processes of the "cool" people I know. In school, I was strange.  I was often the butt of jokes.  It wasn't until high school when I learned how to "play the role" that I became semi-popular.  I really wasn't popular, I just knew people. Most of the people I knew I credit to my amazingly cooler big sister (SHE is the definition of cool) and even among the group of friends we shared, I was the weird girl.  I don't know what it is.  I'm just weird.  I'm strange and different and don't tend to fit the status quo, and I really really don't like it.

In essence, what I'm telling God is that I don't like me.

But lately, it seems I can do no right.  I'm realizing that I'm never going to amount to the person my brain thinks I should be.  Because that girl is an illusion and she is not me.  She is not the person God intended me to be.  I don't even know who that is or what she looks like.  But I'd really like to know because He's telling me I should know.  I think it's all a part of that "Cease striving and know I am God" thing He keeps talking to me about.  When I stop working at gaining other's approval, I can know God.  And at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about knowing God.  So that's what I'm doing. I'm letting go of my fear and just knowing God. If people make fun of me, if I remain an outsider for the rest of my life... He's pretty much worthy of it and at the end of it all I will have known God.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

Identity Crisis

I think there's an identity crisis that hits a lot of persons in the Church who walk by faith and call themselves Christians.  It's the identity crisis that comes after we've chased after righteousness in our own attempts and have failed miserably.  We've pursued the ministry and the leadership and the education and the recognition.  We've put on hats and roles we were never meant to fill for the purpose of purpose.  But because it's an ill-fit it never works out.  I think that sometimes, we have to fail at all our roles and everything we find identity in before we can be ready to sit at the feet of Jesus and truly discover our Heaven given identity.

I am a wife.  I am a mother.  I am a daughter and a friend.  A friend and a cousin.  I am an aunt.  I am an individual and I am a follower of Jesus.

And can I be honest, I have failed at them all.  Not once or twice but on a pretty consistent basis.  It seems I am never enough but always too much.  And I don't share this in an effort to pout or feel sorry for myself, but rather in a very real attempt at realizing that I will never be enough, for anybody. I need to learn to deal with rejection and I think so do a lot of stay-at-home Mamas.  What we do is counter-cultural.  In a culture that lives for self gratification married to riches and glory, our job demands death to self and everything we once found identity in.  Then, we immerse ourselves in this job-- the homemaking job, the wife role and the mothering.  Only to fail at it.  Dinner isn't always ready by 6, submission is an art yet to be mastered and using less than friendly tones with your children once in a while more often than you'd really like.

And then what?
photo credit

Enter in identity crisis.

But that's where hope is found.  In that crisis.  When we fail at everything else, Jesus is left and He is the giver of identity.  Only He can give the identity and security and purpose that our hearts long for.  He'll use tools like my children and my husband, my parents and my friends but they're not the end of the story, He is.

I don't know where to go from there.  That's as far I've gotten.  My living hope.  I know that at the moment, He is whispering His purposes, His thoughts and His desires for me to my heart. I may not hear it yet, but I hear this...

"Cease striving and know that I am God." --Psalms 46:10a

I will cease striving. Someway, somehow.  And I will soon hear His whispers loud as thunder. And oh, what a glorious day that will be!