Wednesday, February 23, 2011

forgetting perfection

It's day like these that I have to remind myself of the high calling that being a wife, mama & homemaker is... sighh.

Mommy's battling some sore-throat thing. Daddy's getting home late. Laundry's piling up (both to fold and put away AND to wash), the house is a serious mess and I've been way too distracted with that blasted thing called television... sigh. The worst part is I just don't feel like doing any of it.

I will "get it" one of these days.

I have come to realize I will always be my toughest critic. It seems that I expect perfection from myself (though I am far from a perfectionist) and it seems I am uncapable of cutting myself any slack. None. I do not allow myself for "bad days" or "bad weeks" or even "bad moments." My expectation for myself is that I have to be "on" all the time. Going, seeking, pursuing, giving myself no rest and no ability to be human.

I have to be a rockin' housewife, mom, Christian, servant, writer, woman and overall individual. And woe to the day I wake up realizing I am human. My world comes crashing down and I just shut down.

But I don't shut down in a manner which I can re-charge and keep going. No, I shut down in a state of utter defeat and shame. Grrrr.

The more I journey on this life and this calling to "Mommyhood" the more I realize that I am not the only mama who feels this way. I am not the only mama who struggles with such feelings. We desire the very best for our families and therefore place every bit of pressure on ourselves to make it happen.

To such mamas;
I have no words of wisdom nor advice on how to make us stop it. What I do have is the simple reminder that Christ delights in us admist our weakness. He knows our heart. He will complete the work He has started.

And His tender mercies are new every single morning. I would go as far as to say that if at this very moment, you choose Him... Those tender mercies will be new and available for you right then.

I am going to go now. I have a date with a pile of laundry, an almost mobile six month old and a sweet Savior who delights in the weakness of my heart.

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