Tuesday, August 9, 2011

the insecure mom

Today marked the end of my first week back at work and my very first week as a working mom.  During this time, the one truth that has smacked me straight in the face is how utterly insecure I am as a mother.

The week leading up to this "new-start" I had a million and one thoughts about whether this decision made me a good mom or a bad mom. Every argument ever heard on this topic came back to me like a flood of venemous waters and fear gripped my heart in a very nasty way. 

"What if Aaliya prefers someone else over me?"
"What if our bond disinegrates?"
"What if she feels abandoned, rejected?"
"What will people think of me as a working mom?  Will they consider me an awful mother for doing this?"

[enter brake noise here]

It is no secret that fearing man is one of my greatest struggles.  And God confronted me with it face-to-face in quite a real way this past week.  Turns out I'm quite an insecure mom.  Turns out I tend to find my security in parenting everything from what other people say.

Most decisions I've made in parenting have been somehow influenced by what someone else says.  That. is. so. not. good

It also turns out that faith is the most needed aspect in parenting.  As I was praying over this entire work situation, the Lord impressed the following in my Spirit; "Trust that I will be Aaliya's Father; Have faith that I will complete the work I've begun in her.  Give her up; she's not your child, she's Mine."  I am not in any way relinquishing the God-given role of the mother to Aaliya Liberty; I am however relinquishing my desire to control and my fear of failure and man in parenting her.  I am learning to believe and trust that He carries Aaliya as close to His heart as she is to mine (and even closer, still!)  I am learning to believe and trust He has chosen me as her mommy and He has allowed our every circumstance to bring us to the place we are now.

Most things, we just can't control and as parents we are beckoned by Christ to place our trust and faith upon Him, as the solid rock and foundation of our very lives.  His blood is sufficent for me, and His blood is sufficient for my daughter(s). 

How have you had to place your faith upon the Rock in parenting?

*this post is linked to Living Well Wednesdays


  1. Isn't it amazing how different the two worlds of moms can be? You're still a Mother, yet this version of you is plagued with a completely different set of insecurities, concerns, and obstacles. It's fabulous how quickly you found some comfort in your Faith.

    I'm proud of you Nicole. Congratulations on finishing your first week back at work. :)

  2. Oh, wow! I know how you feel. Don't worry about your beautiful daughter! You are her mommy no matter what. We all go through different seasons and God is the master of them all. Bless you! Bless you! He is my Rock when I feel completely insufficient for this job of MOM, I hear His voice saying He is taking care of all things and He has created me for His purposes. Love you!

  3. This was awesome I went through those same exact feelings when I was lead to go to work! God works things out in us in such a peculiar way he truly is the author and finisher of our faith!

  4. Thank you Genevieve. You have been such a rock during this time of transition for our family and I'm so blessed to call you friend! =)

    Dixie, thank you so much for your encouraging words. I completely agree that He is our rock and the Master of our lives, so during this awkward kinda-huh season I'm learning to lean more upon Him. Miss ya!

    Anonymus, thanks for swinging by... =) He is truly so wonderful that our insecurities can't stand before Him.