"Mommy has cancer baby..."
In the half-a-second it took for him to utter the next sentence, my little brain went about a million miles per mili-second and I saw, what I thought, would have been my life with a mother who had cancer. I saw chemo, I saw me carrying her through chemo, I saw kids at school talking about me-the girl who's mom had cancer-, I saw her fighting. And all the while these images are flashing through my mind, I felt like a bullet went straight to my heart. I literally felt shattered. And I convulsed straight to Daddy's shoulder.
Sometime between the time that it took for me to drop my head into his shoulder, he uttered that death sentence to my heart...
"Nicole, Mommy died."
I don't remember anything after that. My life had a black-out and I can't fully explain what I believe happened. The next thing I remember was walking out the door of that side bedroom and going out to the hallway to play with my neighbor, who'd been told the news just before me. I don't know how I reacted. I don't know if I freaked, or cried, or sat in shock. I don't know...
Children find their identity in their parents. I believe God ordains it so. And when one parent, or both, are missing, so is a portion of a child's identity. There is something fiercely deep about a Father's Affirmation and a Mother's Touch. While I was sitting and praying to the Lord, I strongly felt Him lead me by saying... "Speak identity into your children daily." Hearing His guidance reminded me of my struggles growing up, trying to find myself as a young woman. And that led me here.
I would like to exhort you, to seek out the Lord on behalf of your children and ask Him who they are... And then speak it to your children, daily. A large part of my life and my identity went missing for a very long time in the absence of a mother, and I am only recently finding out what that identity is, by His grace and His mercy. In that seeking and asking and knocking before the Lord I have come to realize that I don't want any of my children to lack a knowledge of their identity.
My little girls are wives and mothers, princesses and heroes, beautiful and accepted.
My little boys are husbands and fathers, mighty men and conquerors, strong sons.
And I am their mother, and they are my babies.
And every day I have been given life they will hear it from Mommy.
Because Jesus told me to.