Thursday, September 1, 2011

I'm rambling

I have been MIA from blogging for a little bit.

Yeah, sorry about that.  I've been tending to two babies with ear infections (yuck!), a husband with a drippy nose (aka runny nose) and still learning the balance between work, home, ministry, myself.

Aww, fooey! Yes, I said it... FOOEY!

I've been at witt's end and trying to find my way back.  I've been in a sort of wilderness/transition/not-really-wilderness season if you know what I mean.   Umm, how can I explain it?

photo credit
I-am-bei-ng-bro-ken.  Ve-ry-ve-ry-bro-ken.

The last few books I've read I've felt a grace to read.  (I know this was quite a jump, but it's related to the statement I just made.  I promise!)  One was a fiction book by Francine Rivers.  I've talked about it before (but I can't find the post where I did, so just trust me!).  I re-read it and gained so much from it.  I love how the Lord speaks to me through fictional stories. :P  But, this last book I picked up is called The Breaking of the Outer Man and the Release of the Spirit by Watchman Nee.  The title alone will rock your world, but it's content even more.

It is so ironic like God to give me the grace to read this book now. 

I believe our family is in the middle of a transition. Don't ask me to what.  Don't ask me what kind.  It's just... that feeling.  In the air.  That suffocates and breaks the will to cause His spirit to come forth. 

Yeah, that one.  The one that cause holiness to seep through every pore in your body. 

It's either that or rebellion. And since my God is a Jealous God, I know the rebellion won't stand much of a chance against Him. 

Anyway, here's a few of my favorite pieces from the thirty-nine pages I've read from this book.  I gotta take this one easy... slowly.  His breaking is mercy but too much too quickly will seemingly destroy me.  So, I will continue to self-preserve by masking my fear of the breaking with the spirituality behind needing to "digest" the truth found in this book. 

Yepp, I think that works.

"How could he (Brother Lawrence) maintain God's presence in the midst of his hectic work (dishwashing)?  The secret is that no outward noise could affect his inward being.  Some people lose God's presence because they are inwardly affected as soon as they hear any noise around them... God is not delivering us from the "plates"; He is delivering us from being influenced by them.  Everything around us can be in turmoil, but within we can remain untouched... Once the outer man is broken, a man does not have to come back to God because he is with God all the time...God has to break the outer man before He can use the inner manHe has to break our love before He can use our love to love the brothers."  

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