Friday, October 19, 2012

Some thoughts on marriage...

I am by no means a professional on anything related to marriage. I am very much still a newbie at this and will probably feel like I am for the rest of our lives.  Considering marriage is a union of two imperfect people that is meant to portray the perfect love of God for His people, I'm pretty sure we can (and will be!) married for 50 years and still know very little about the union and commitment itself.
Almost 4 years married.
12.21.2008 :)
There is, however, a trend that I've noticed among newlyweds that is completely out of sync with what He had in mind. I've blogged about it before, but it's such a deep and important truth that I feel it's worth writing about again.

Our society (and humanity in general) is pretty good at making godly, holy things into self-centered, bad things. Marriage has become about self rather than love.  Love has been reduced to an emotion rather than a daily commitment based on the good of another-- no matter the cost.  It grieves me, really.  But even more than that is the notion that marriage is meant to fulfill an empty part of ourselves.  You know the saying, "He's my better half?"  Half? Half of what?

I love my husband to death and back, but I was a whole person (theoretically speaking of course, because I was a broken mess before the Cross) before I met him and today I'm still a whole person.  There are zero halves in this marriage.  We are both two completely complete people made complete strictly by the grace of Jesus and His sacrifice on Calvary.  If either of us ever becomes a half, it's not by anything the other has done but because (Heaven-forbid!) we have chosen to walk away from sweet, sweet grace.

Marriage was never intended to fulfill. It was intended to be a glorious picture of Christ and His Bride.  Ultimately, whatever my husband chooses or doesn't choose to do or behave in relation to me is not my ultimate gratification.  Jesus is.  This seems like a pretty "duh" statement and I've always believed and known it was truth.  But if I believed this truth in my heart, offense would never creep up in my heart towards my husband. I would never argue with him or struggle to submit.  I would never have to "fight" for my opinions and views to be heard.  If I believe this truth in my heart, I would gladly and easily demonstrate a gentle and quiet spirit because my entire confidence would be found in the Lord and His goodness towards me.

Please note, I am by no means saying that desiring (emotional & spiritual) intimacy with our husbands is wrong in any sense.  It is good and right for two to become one in every sense of the term, but if by whatever reason our marriage lacks in an area of oneness then we understand our Source for peace, joy, and true intimacy comes first from the Lord.



  1. Thank you for putting something into words that I never could. I have been dating my very soon to be husband actually 2 days before our wedding day will be our 11th year together. I knew when I was 12 years old that he is who God had chosen just for me. I feel like I know what it is to make the choice to love rather than to simply walk away. I wish there was a way for me to get this message across to a very close friend of mine. I fear she may never marry due to the view she has on relationships. Thank you again for this post and I pray blessings upon you, your marriage and your family. Kait

  2. I'm glad this post encouraged you in your relationship with your soon-to-be-husband (Congratulations, by the way!). I will keep your close friend in my prayers and ask Jesus to break into her life and heart. God Bless You! :D