Monday, July 25, 2011

ramblings of a step parent

When I first began this journey.
Daniella barely 3 years young.
One of the best, most complicated aspects of my life is step-parenting.  I know, I know... I hate the word "step" too.  But it is often too complicated to explain what people otherwise associate with this word. 

Don't get me wrong, this "step" business is filled with so many highs and joys, but along with it come some of the most challenging situations I'll probably ever have to go through.

I have always prayed that Christ would grant to me the ability to love Daniella as unconditionally as I would love any other child that He blesses me with.  I don't want there to be an ounce of difference between her and any other siblings she may have.  I never want to hear her say, "This is my half sister/brother, oh and that's my Dad's wife."  Never. Ever. Ever. Ever!

I can truly say that although is a continual pursuit in the revelation of adoption, God has been good to me and He has given me grace to love.

In everything though, I am finding this stepparenting experiencing quite lonely* Most people I know carry one of two mentalities when it comes to our very very unique situation;
  1) "I could never do that" and so they don't.  They lack the understanding and the desire to really understand so they purposefully set themselves away from it all.  The thought of even coming in with me and getting their hands and knees dirty is just inconceivable.

  2)  "I would help out and all, but so long as it doesn't affect me negatively."  The idea of laying down my life for the sake of another-- even more that it is someone who is not "flesh and blood" is absolutely prepostorous, so they advice me to just walk away and kinda keep at a distance.  Well, considering my answered prayer from a paragraph or two ago, it doesn't really seems like that's an option. 

Us now. This is sweet-sweet journey!
Both parties mean well, and I am by no means speaking against either.  It is hard, and truthfully, I probably wouldn't quite know how to handle if I wasn't the one in the midst of it all.  I probably would say "I could never do that" and just lack understanding, comfortably.  And that's okay.

In this lonely journey, I'm finding that I have to truly press into the Lord.  I'm having to receive revelation and grace as to how to do this in a manner that will glorify Him and benefit my sweet Daniella Grace, from Scripture, when there's no exact scenario or exhortation in Scripture on it.  I'm having to be vulnerable with my husband in every opinion, every thought and every emotion (and may I say vulnerability is not my specialty).  I'm learning that for me to stepparent successfully, I have to die to myself and I have to posess qualities so much like Jesus that it is impossible for me to do it without Him.

I remember picking up a book on stepparenting at Border's once.  I browsed through and in reading the first page or so, I realized what an awful mentality our society has on step-parenting.  One parent was quoted "I really don't get along with my stepkids that well.  They don't like me, and truthfully, I don't really like them.  It's a mutual understanding and respect that has allowed neither one of us to build up resentment against the other." 


I'm pretty positive that's not how Jesus would do it.  I'm pretty positive He speaks to the stepparent and encourages them to give up the child (in love, so to speak) and their very lives and heart in the process for the purpose of life. (read all about it in 1 Kings 3:16-28

I think my *favorite* part of this lonely journey is that I know this is what He has chosen for me.  One of the worship leaders at the International House of Prayer-KC once said that "God chose the generation, the nation, the circumstance, the family, the very heritage into which you should be born so that you would love Him the most." 

When this thing gets tough and all manners of self-seeking thoughts and attitudes knock at my door, I have to, I choose to remind myself that He has chosen this for me.  This was done out of His Sovereignty and His purposes will reign. 

It's a team effort, this Mommy business
In the meantime, I'd like to encourage you.  Look around the people in your life.  Is there anyone who has a "difficult, sticky" situation they live with?  Are you readily available to offer prayer and/or Biblical support?  Have you prayed for them lately?  Chances are, they need it.  Ask God to encounter you with a spirit of adoption and pray for someone you normally "wouldn't know how to" pray for. 


  1. That sounds like a very challenging relationship...praise God for His faithfulness, in leading you in it, today and in the future!

  2. It sounds like you are really trying to make things work, and I admire you for that! I have two sisters and a brother and they are actually my half siblings but I never refer to them as much. They all have the same dad, and I have a different one. That's all that was ever really explained to me, and honestly, it was never a big deal. They loved me, and I loved them. I never refer to them as half siblings. I will definitely be praying for you, and I hope God continues to bless and guide you!

  3. Thank you both! It is indeed a journey by which I am having to be led, but Indeed praise Him for mending the broken in a shattered world! :) Thank you both for taking time to read this post =)