"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion' says my soul, 'therefore I have hope in Him.' The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth."
-- Lamentations 3:21-27
-- Lamentations 3:21-27
It will forever baffle me to think of a perfect God being ever merciful and every compassionate. It baffles me to think that in His Holiness He is never angry or frustrated with me. That even though I lose my temper with my children, He doesn't. That even though I miss the mark again and again and again, He still waits patiently for me and delights in every movement of my weak, broken heart.
This season has been hard. I mean, really. It's been a hard, tough, broken season where I've had no choice but to learn to lean on Jesus (not that you could tell by the "upbeat" posts I've consistently been putting up...). Most days, I get by and lean on His kindness and I worship and I pray and I know that He is at the center of my home and my family. And then, days like today, I shrink back to that old self and bury myself in Lifetime movies (and whoa is that like 10 steps back... I hate Lifetime movies!), get nothing done and carefully calculate my every failure as a wife and a mom.
I lose my patience with my ten month old (as though it's her fault) and then I come online to blog about it.
But then, I read passages like Lamentations 3, and I have to take a moment to breathe (and to patiently shush my ten month old who's crying out for my attention) and remind myself that His mercies are new every morning. That regardless of whatever may come, I have hope in Him. And ultimately, He is my portion.
In the Hebrew, the word used for "portion" here is khay-lek also translated into allotment, flattery, inheritance. The Lord God is my inheritance. He is mine and I am His. He is my source of value and strength. And despite what I did today, His mercies will be new tomorrow.
And reminding myself of that really makes me not want to have to wait until tomorrow (gramatically speaking, I just shot that sentence, but you get the drift).
I choose now.
I choose to be weak but strictly in His embrace.
I'll be broken, but only in His Presence.
I choose my inheritance; that man Christ Jesus...