Wednesday, June 8, 2011

this one's not an easy one to write...

I remember when Aaliya was first born, someone gave me the most amazing compliment (probably the 2nd greatest, I've ever received) that I looked like a delightful mom. This person shared with me how full of delight and joy I looked as I was tending to my precious little one. In that moment (and pretty much for the first 6 months of her life) it was the absolute truth.

And then Aaliya started teething, and her sleep pattern went out of whack, and she wouldn't let anyone else but Mommy hold her, and her cute kitten cries turned to death-gripping screams. The delight I felt turned into frustration at my obvious inadequacy to be a mom.

I made the colossal (yes-- colossal) mistake of comparing myself to other moms. "Her baby doesn't do this, and that one's got it all together. Look at that friendly baby, oh she's drinking out of a sippy already? Grrreat, I'm so behind."

But these last few days, as I have purposefully praying for my daughters, as I have been seeking their Creator out for exactly how it is He has designed them, something has happened in my heart.

I have found delight in mothering again.

Truthfully, I didn't even realize I had lost the delight, until today. As I'm walking out of Wal-Mart with little girl and four bags in tow, she looks up at me and gives me one of those delightful smiles that melt my heart and I realized all in one second that I'd lost my delight and given in to much worry and anxiety and that now the Lord was giving me the heart of Hannah again.

"Thank you for Your faithfulness O, Lord! May I always be delightful while mothering and may You always be my source."

What about you? Do you still find delight in mothering or do you waiver in your passion for it like I have?


  1. Love this! She does have delightful smiles and I'm so happy that you've found joy in this "ministry" again! Keep it up, girl!

  2. This is the journey I am always telling you about!! When Joshua was born I was the same way, I was dwelling on my lack and ability of handling to small children and wether I was ready for it or not, I would ask myself if I even liked being a mom at the moment! But Jesus is faithful in giving us His joy!! and in reminding us of our passion as mommas!